


Little Bits

by coffeeandcream



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-18
Updated: 2015-04-18
Packaged: 2018-03-24 15:28:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3773812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/coffeeandcream/pseuds/coffeeandcream
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of drabbles that center around Kakashi and Iruka's relationship. Very short and simple.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Little Bits

  1. Introduction



There was never a moment that Kakashi could remember first meeting him. He, just like the rest of the village, was a constant presence. He had always been there, somewhere in Kakashi’s peripheral vision. A part of the ever-moving mechanism that was Konoha. He wished he could remember though. He wished he could recall the moment that he met the person who would make his life livable. But at the same time, he didn’t want to know that there was ever a time he wasn’t aware of him, that there were moments in his life that didn’t have that bit of Iruka added to them. He told Iruka about it one time. Iruka said he remembered the moment they first met in vivid detail. Kakashi told him not to tell him about it. Maybe later, though.

  1.       Complicated



How frustrating, how hurtful, how absolutely unbearable it was to want something that you couldn’t let happen. To be the only thing standing in between what you want most in the world and reality. That was the universe’s cruel joke, its irony slapped onto him as amusement for the gods. He wanted to reach out and take that hand, he wanted to touch him, feel him, make everything about him about himself. He knew he wanted the same thing. But nothing, not one single thing, was going to happen if it were up to Kakashi. Because something like this was not fair, and it was not right, and it could only end in hurt. The one thing that gave him pause was the fear that, in the end, it wasn’t up to him.

  1.       Making History



“You’re one Hokage’s parent and another’s lover. Of course they’ll write you into the history books.” Kakashi had said that, but Iruka wasn’t sure if he liked it. He had gone through his whole life believing that his life would come and go without much notice. In fact, he had based a good amount of his life decisions on that. But Kakashi made it sound like every child in Konoha would know his name for another hundred years. “Just for being your husband?” he had asked. Kakashi had laughed, and Iruka remembered the pleasant feeling of the vibrations that went through his chest. “Being my husband is no small matter, Iruka.” Iruka decided his beloved was just being vain.

  1.       Rivalry



He felt a little happy, a little competitive, and a little guilty. Happy because Naruto had found another adult that he could look up to and depend on, and lord knew that poor kid needed that. Competitive because some part of him always wanted to be the one person Naruto went to with his problems, wanted to be number one in Naruto’s list of favorite people. And guilty because he shouldn’t feel like that. When a mission didn’t go well and he was two weeks late in coming back, Naruto cried when he saw him. Iruka felt even guiltier for ever thinking Naruto didn’t love him enough. He was lucky to have that boy in his life. And he noticed that Naruto wasn’t the only one who was relieved to see him.

  1.       Unbreakable



After the events of the past few weeks, Kakashi felt a mixture of fear and relief. He had done everything he could, he had said all the horrible things he could think of that made his tongue burn; he had done all the taboo things that he was sure would ruin everything. But no matter when he did, nothing could shake that man. Somehow, Iruka had walked all over the obstacle course that was meant to keep him away, gotten to the end without a scratch, and slapped Kakashi in the face for being so dumb as to think it would keep him back. Nothing could make Iruka change his mind, and nothing Kakashi did could make Iruka hate him. It was terrifying. And at the same time, Kakashi wanted to cry with joy. He wanted to curl up next to Iruka and smile until he couldn’t anymore because Iruka was so sure, and their love was so sure.

  1.       Obsession



Iruka was becoming worried about himself. The interest he had taken in the Copy Ninja had grown so quickly it astonished him, and had evolved into something he was pretty sure was a little unhealthy. It was beginning to impede on his work, on his sleep, even on his eating schedule. He used to think that there would be nothing worse than Kakashi finding out about his feelings, but now he was more afraid of never being able to let his feelings go.

  1.       Eternity



He knew that human life was ephemeral. He was going to die, Kakashi was going to die, everyone was going to die. And yet, he knew that he would love that man forever. He wouldn’t live forever, of course, but wasn’t that the point? Once he died, that forever was what remained. His physical life would be gone and everyone would say he was dead, but his forever would echo everything he was, that forever would stamp his existence into time. And in that forever, Kakashi would still be the only one.

  1.       Gateway



He stumbled, more and more of the thick red liquid oozing from his side. His vision blurred. He couldn’t feel where he put his feet and he could no longer tell if the sky was really above him or somewhere behind him. But he had to keep putting his legs forward, he had to keep moving. Because he needed to get to the walls of his village. He just needed to reach there and then he would have done everything he could to get back to him, as he had promised. He had to get to that gateway because past that was Iruka. And if he was going to die without Iruka by his side, it wouldn’t be because he was too weak to reach the gates of his home.

  1.       Death



One drunken night, Kakashi had told him that he had lost so many people he was sure he was numb to the pain of it. Iruka knew that Kakashi saw death as a simple and inevitable part of life, and therefore spoke about it casually. Iruka hated him for that. Death is terrifying, he had told his lover. It took people from you. Kakashi had simply shaken his head. Iruka wanted to slap him. He wanted to know that Kakashi would feel hurt if Iruka died. He wanted to be missed. But he wasn’t going to touch that part of Kakashi, because it was like a thin pillar holding up an already crumbling roof. He just put a hand on his beloved’s back and led him to bed, hoping that Kakashi was right and Iruka’s death wouldn’t hurt enough to ruin an already fragile existence.

    10.      Opportunities

After Kakashi became Hokage all of Iruka’s fellow teachers kept on insisting that he speak to him about increasing the academy’s budget. The textbooks were falling apart and the entire flooring really needed some inspection. Not to mention some changes to the schedule would be nice. “It’s an opportunity!” they kept telling him. It didn’t feel like that. It felt like using his relationship with the Hokage to sway his judgment. He hadn’t done that with Sarutobi, and he wouldn’t do that with Kakashi. When he got home one day, Kakashi said, “When are you going to give in to your friends and ask me about the school budget?” Iruka didn’t know how he heard about that, but since it was in the conversation he decided he might as well make his case for him and his fellow teachers. And Kakashi agreed to the budget raise.

    11.      33%

Kakashi told him he was sorry. Iruka wanted to tell him he didn’t know the meaning of the word. That was his first class, the first group of children he had ever taught. And in one mission one third of them had died. It devastated him. He wondered if it had been something he had done wrong, if he hadn’t taught them well enough. But Kakashi just shook his head and laid Iruka’s head against his shoulder.

    12.      Dead Wrong

Kakashi was supposed to be one of the smartest ninja in Konoha. He was supposed to know everything, and if he didn’t know things, he was supposed to figure them out. He was never wrong because he couldn’t be. Being wrong usually cost a life. Taking this into consideration, he had no idea how he had messed up so badly. He thought about Iruka, punching him in the face and storming out of the apartment, and wished he could go back in time and punch himself in the face too. With a sigh, he got up to go find Guy. He had to ask his advice on how to apologize to angry teachers who were convinced you were an asshole.

    13.      Running Away

Iruka had run away a lot in his life. He had run away from his feelings, from his responsibilities, from his morality. But that was when he was younger, when life seemed like it wanted to eat him whole. Now he was sure nothing could make him turn tail. Nothing in the whole world. No, not even Kakashi Hatake telling him that he loved him. He may sit in his room and stare at the wall for hours and wonder how he was going to respond. He may call in sick to work so that he could stay in bed and prolong their conversation a bit longer. He may even avoid Kakashi in public because he didn’t want to confront him just then. But he definitely wasn’t running. He _was_ going to give Kakashi his answer. He just really didn’t want to right then because, well, love was scary. And it made him want to run.

    14.      Judgment

It had taken a lot of courage to tell Iruka that. It had hurt his head a little, and he had a headache the rest of the day. Now he had to await his answer. He really hoped that Iruka was stupid. He hoped that he didn’t have the sense to refuse his affection, because he wanted this more than anything. But he was pretty sure he was screwed because Iruka was one of the smartest people he knew, and he could sniff out a bullshitter from a thousand miles away. Iruka was way too sensible to ever fall in love with Kakashi. Meanwhile, Iruka was eating a bowl of ramen and wondering how he had been stupid enough to fall in love with a bullshitter like Kakashi.

    15.      Seeking Solace

On the nights that the guilt felt like it was eating him alive from the inside out, tearing his organs and veins with serrated teeth, Kakashi left his apartment. He swept over the village and showed up on that man’s doorstep. He didn’t say much, but Iruka knew. He let him in, talked to him, had sex with him, read with him, let him sleep next to him, whatever he felt like doing. Sometimes Kakashi just sat next to him while he graded papers, and it was perfect. Kakashi knew he didn’t deserve that kind of kindness. He knew that he was probably tainting Iruka’s life with the guilt he felt. But somehow he couldn't stop coming to his house whenever the pain became too much. Maybe, he considered one night while Iruka was falling asleep on the futon next to him, he did it because he knew it was the only thing keeping him alive.

**Author's Note:**

> I might add more to this later. This is the first thing I've posted here, so I'd love to know what you think!


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